“The same way she rose from the sea, you rise like a phoenix from the ashes of things that no longer serve you. You mythic bird. You unbelievable thing.”
— Trista Mateer
Well hello there! My name is Georgia Calloway and I’d like to welcome you to my blog. I’m a 21 year old college student that is on a personal journey of mindfulness and self-discovery. This will be my outlet for what I learn throughout my journey and I’m so excited to share it with you all! I hope some of you will be able to relate to some of my experiences and be able to take away something from all this. I’m new to blogging so bear with me while I learn. I’m excited to get started and if anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to share. Happy blogging, everyone!
I do have a confession, Georgia Calloway is not my real name which I’m sure you have realized by now. It’s a pseudonym that I blog under. I’ve always been scared of people reading my writing so I felt the only way I could put my writing out there is with a fake name. So no my name is not really Georgia Calloway (please don’t hate me). Anyway, onto the real subject!
I am so very excited to announce that I am writing my first book! My book A Beautiful Mess is a collection of poems covering love, abuse, mental illness, self-love, and healing.
I have always found solace in writing during some of my darkest times. It’s been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. I have always dreamed of publishing a book and I am finally turning that dream into a reality!
I have chosen to publish with Gatekeepers Press. They are such an amazing company and they handle all of the big things for you, they give you all the royalties and rights to your book, and genuinely want to see you get you work out there.
The only problem I am facing right now is money to publish. I’m a full time college student with a load of bills and debt so I don’t really have the financial ability to publish right now. With that being said, I have made a GoFundMe to help raise money to make my dream happen and get me published!
If you would like to donate to help me out with this dream, I will post the link to my GoFundMe, my Paypal, and my Cashapp. I appreciate any and all help and I can’t wait to share my work with the world.
It’s Day Seven! Today’s topic: Favourite Movie. I don’t know if I have talked about my favorite movies before… I feel like I have talked about it in one of my previous posts. Nonetheless, there is no doubt that my favorite movie is Moulin Rouge.
I’m going to be honest with you: I realize that it is subjectively not a very good movie, but in my mind it’s a cinematic masterpiece. I like to compare it to Sweeney Todd and if you have ever seen Sweeney Tood, then you know exactly what I mean by that.
If you haven’t seen Moulin Rouge, then I recommend you go watch it but I’ll also give you a basic rundown:
It stars Ewan McGregor as Christian and Nicole Kidman as Satine. Christian is a poor writer that just moved to Montmartre and was coaxed into joining the Bohemian Revolution. He became the writer of a play called “Spectacular, Spectacular.” He meets the beautiful Satine, a courtesan at the Moulin Rouge, and immediately falls in love with her. The two have to hide their relationship in order to produce their show. The movie is full of musical numbers, love, heartbreak, and drama.
I don’t really know why I love this movie so much… I just do. I’m not one for silly love stories but I feel like this was so much more than that. The foreshadowing and the drama just leave you on the edge of your seat. It doesn’t matter how many times I watch it, I can promise you that I will always cry at the end.
It’s a dream of mine to go visit the Moulin Rouge in France and see one of their shows. Hell, I’ll be satisfied with just seeing the big windmill. I actually have a necklace with the windmill on it and it has a circular plate behind it that says, “Come What May.” I wear it every single day (I’m wearing it as I type this).
So yes, I have a bit of an obsession with the movie Moulin Rouge but it is what it is. What’s your favorite movie?
Well, hello there! It is now Day 6 of my 30-Day Blogging Challenge. I am proud of myself for sticking to it as long as I have (I tend to give up on things like this pretty quickly). Today’s topic is a really fun and empowering one: Single and Happy.
I have been single for quite some time now but it hasn’t always been a thing that I was happy with. Let me give you a little backstory about my past relationships:
I was in a three-year long relationship throughout high school. Let me be the first to tell you: it was a very emotionally unhealthy relationship. I was at a rough time in my life so I was very susceptible to manipulation. There was a lot of cheating, emotional abuse, lying, manipulation, gaslighting, etc. On top of all that, she had it ingrained into my mind that I needed her and that I wouldn’t be able to be with anyone else.
Fast forward to my senior and she broke up with me to get engaged to the girl she was cheating on me with. I was left completely broken. Not long after, I got into another, much shorter relationship. I didn’t want to be alone; I hadn’t been alone in years so I got with the first person I could find (Yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds). Let’s just say it was even worse than the first one and I am not proud of it at all. She went to jail twice while we were together for abusing her ex, she constantly picked fights with me, and she loved to try to convince me to change my look so I would look more like her ex. We broke up after about three months so naturally she told me that I was a psychotic bitch and needed to die. She, then, proceeded to stalk me for months after the breakup to the point where I wasn’t allowed to be by myself at all when I was at work just in case she showed up.
Here I am, 3 years later, single and completely at peace with it. Through all of this time of being single I have really been able to find myself. I was finally able to accept that I was attracted to women, men, and nonbinary folks. I even got to explore my own gender and learned that I really identify as Genderfluid. I have found my calling in life, started this blog, learned to love the world, and embraced the positive impact of living a mindful life.
I am taking the time to work on my mental health and am now over a year clean of self-harm. I am recovering from all the trauma that I have experienced since childhood. I’m rekindling relationships with the people that I abandoned while I was in those relationships. I am learning to love myself and my body because I am beautiful no matter what anyone else says.
I also get to decide what my attention and time goes to. If I want to spend an entire weekend in my pajamas while binge watching Buzzfeed Unsolved, then I can do it and not have to worry about anyone. I don’t have to worry about what someone else is doing and can focus on myself. I can finally be selfish, but in a good way.
Don’t get me wrong: I would love to be in a relationship but I’m not going to force or rush myself into one. It has taken so long for me to heal and even be ready to date again so I don’t want to end up in another unhealthy relationship that will undo all of my hard work. It will happen when it is time for it to happen.
I am single. I am happy. Yes, I am falling in love but for the first time… it’s with myself.
Today is Day 5 of my 30-Day Blogging challenge and today’s topic might be one of the more difficult ones. The topic for today is: your parents.
TRIGGER WARNING: Mental Illness, Self-Harm
As I’ve talked about before, my relationship with my parents is complicated to say the least. My relationship with my mom is getting better, don’t get me wrong, but it’s definitely not completely healed. My relationship with my father is… well, we tolerate each other but that’s about it.
I came out to my parents during my freshman year of high school. If you read some of my earlier posts, then you know that it went horribly. Lots of horrible things were done and said. I can remember my mother crying, wondering where she went wrong with me. I can hear my father telling me that it was unacceptable, he was disappointed in me, and that I might cause him and my mother to get a divorce.
I wasn’t allowed to leave the house except to go to school for months at a time and this went on for about 3-4 years. I wouldn’t have a phone, or computer, or any way to see my friends either. My parents couldn’t understand why I was so depressed and why I was “making such a big deal out of.” They couldn’t figure out why I wanted nothing to do with them.
I think my mom finally realized how badly she was destroying me. There were a few times that she saw the scars on my arms and legs and she would ask me about them. Of course, I would always make up some bullshit excuse and quickly change the subject. Just last year, I finally opened up to her about my depression and anxiety and she helped me to find a therapist.
We have had a few talks where she has apologized for the way that she has been to in the past. She has made it clear that she will love and accept me no matter what. I wish she would have said all of this sooner lol… but better late than never I guess?
Like I said, our relationship is getting better but it isn’t completely healed. It’s still hard for me to open up to her and trust her with things. I don’t know that I’ll ever be comfortable with being myself around her.
Now let’s move on to my father… Where to start on him? I used to be a daddy’s girl growing up; he was my favorite person in the world. It’s so crazy to think about when looking at our relationship now. We’re civil and we tolerate each other for the family’s sake, but that’s about it. He’s tried to act like it never happened and like we’re fine but I refuse to let him get away with the way he treated me.
He has shown me everything I would never want in a man. He’s racist, misogynistic, homophobic, and just an all around asshole. Mom makes jokes about how much I don’t like him because we all know it’s true.
I don’t see my relationship with him ever really getting better. It’s sad but it’s the truth. I refuse to let someone degrade me and make me hate myself and then try to act like it never happened; not once has he ever apologized for what he did. He may be my father, the man that helped create me, but he is no dad to me.
“Family is supposed to be our safe haven. Very often, it’s the place we find the deepest heartache.” – Lyanla Vansant.
It is now Day 4 of my 30-day blogging challenge and today’s topic is: Places I want to visit. This list could honestly go on and on forever; it’s my dream to travel to every edge of this Earth. To spare you a lot of time, I will just focus on some of the main ones.
Alaska – This one probably seems silly because it’s still the United States (why wouldn’t I want to go out of the country? … I still do) My grandmother and I were supposed to take an Alaskan cruise this June but we were unfortunately forced to cancel due to COVID-19. We had it all planned out and paid for and we were so excited until we realized it just wasn’t going to happen. My grandmother is getting older and I’m worried that she and I won’t be able to take this trip when it’s safe again. I would still love to go and be able to take pictures and videos for her to still get to experience it in some way.
Halifax, Nova Scotia – I have wanted to visit Halifax ever since I started following Allie and Sam on Instagram. They live in Halifax so I see the pictures that they post and it just looks so beautiful.
Cephalonia, Greece – I was supposed to visit last year but things didn’t end up working out. If you don’t know what Cephalonia looks like, then go google it right now. The beaches are absolutely gorgeous and it has the fascinating architecture that Greece embodies. I am dying to visit someday.
Rome, Italy and Paris, France – I lumped these two together because I want to visit them for the same reasons. I have such a strong love for art and the history behind it so these two places are an art lover’s dream. You have The Louvre in Paris and the Roman Colosseum, St. Peter’s Basilica, the Pantheon, the Vatican, etc. in Rome. There is so much art and architecture to be seen.
Museum of Modern Art in Manhattan – Again, this one probably seems silly but it is what it is. MoMA is home to my favorite piece of art and I have dreamed of finally seeing it in person. The piece is called “Street, Dresden” by Ernst Ludwig Kirchner and it is the most real and morbidly beautiful representation of social anxiety that I’ve seen. It’s so creepy, yet so beautiful and it has stuck with me since the very first time that I saw it.
If I could just quit my job and spend the rest of my life traveling, then I would be completely happy. There are so many places that I want to go and so many places that I will probably never get to see. It’s exciting and also disappointing but that’s just the beauty of life. There will always be places left unexplored so we can just leave what they look like to our imagination.
It’s Day 3 of my 30-day blogging challenge and today’s topic is: A Memory. I’ve been trying to decide what memory I want to share and whether I want it to be a happy memory. I really have so many memories that I could share and it’s so hard to pick just one.
The first one that came to mind isn’t just one specific memory but it is something that I remember from my childhood. For a long time, it was just my big sister, myself, and our parents. We lived in a trailer house out in the country that was on a good plot of land so you can imagine what all we could get into.
I remember my sister and I stayed outside; we didn’t care how hot it was, what time of the day it was, or if it was raining… we were always outside. One of our absolute favorite things to do was play with Hot Wheels and Barbies in the mud. We would always make a mud track full of different twists, turns, and obstacles and race our Hot Wheels while pretending that the Barbies were the drivers. We would spend hours upon hours doing this.
And if we weren’t playing in the mud, then we were riding our four-wheeler. See, back behind our house was a set of wood (it’s not as scary as you would expect). We had some neighbors down the road that had grandsons that were about our age and they would always ride four-wheelers with us.
We would spend all day together and wouldn’t stop unless we were hungry.
I was usually always the youngest so of course the older ones were sometimes a little mean to me. Back in the woods was this old, abandoned house that was super creepy. They used to tell me scary stories about what happened in that house and what was in there now. They would tell me it was full of ghosts and that if you went in there, then Bloody Mary would try and kill you. They used to try to get me to go in there but being the scared little kid I was, it never happened.
I always loved living in that house and sometimes I miss it. Things were so much simpler back then. The only pain I knew was when I’d fall down and scrape my knee. I didn’t care about anything except when I was going to be able to go play. Sometimes I miss the way things used to be. Growing up isn’t as great as I wanted it to be.
Who knows… Maybe one day I’ll learn to be that carefree little girl again
Today is Day Two of my thirty-day blogging challenge! I want to take this time to talk about the things that make me happy. Sometimes I struggle with recognizing and focusing on the good things and spend most of my time dwelling on the bad. Let me be the first to tell you… this type of thinking only makes things so much worse.
I’ve been having a rough weekend, so I think it’s only fitting that I sit down and think about the things that bring me joy and happiness.
What makes me happy?
· My dog Manny
· My sisters and mother
· Being outside
· Hanging out with my friends
· Helping others
· Helping myself
· The beach
· The mountains
· Meeting new people
Honestly, the list could go on forever but to spare you I’m going to leave it at that. I know today’s post is a little short but sometimes short is sweet. Take some time today to stop and think about the things that make you happy!
As a blogger and a writer, I often struggle to find motivation or topics to write about. I tend to feel uninspired and overwhelmed; the thought of writing is so daunting especially after I have gotten out of the habit of doing it. I’m going through one of those phases now and decided that in order to jumpstart my writing brain again I would do a 30-day blogging challenge. Today is Day One and my prompt is to describe my personality.
I actually recently took the Myers Briggs personality assessment and the Enneagram Type assessment (I’m not sure what the real name is) and I found my results to be crazily accurate. It triggered my curiosity to really understand myself.
For the Myers Briggs assessment, I learned that I am considered an INFJ-T or “The Advocate.” INFJ means that I possess the Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging personality traits.
People with this personality type tend to see helping others as their purpose in life. Advocates can often be found engaging in rescue efforts and doing charity work. However, their real passion is to get to the heart of the issue so that people need not be rescued at all.
Though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight tirelessly for an idea they believe in. They are decisive and strong-willed, but will rarely use that energy for personal gain.
Inspiring and Convincing
Decisive (Not sure about this one)
Determined and Passionate
Sensitive (Too true!)
Always need to have a cause
Can burn out easily (me, me, me, me)
For the Enneagram Assessment, I am considered a Type 6 or “The Loyalist”. I don’t really understand the Enneagram Assessment all too well but from what I can understand Sixes are loyal, courageous, attentive to people and problems; often strategic thinkers. However, we are also suspicious, pessimistic, and doubtful.
One of the most important aspects to Sixes is safety. We are very anxious and are very distrusting. Personally, safety and trust are key to any kind of relationship with me. If those two do not exist, then the relationship will not exist.
One of the key commonalities I see between being an INFJ and a Type 6 is that I am very passionate about solving problems and helping others. One of the most recommended career fields for has been the mental health field which is very fitting considering I am working to become a licensed mental health counselor. As someone who is very passionate about having a safe space to go, I want to be that safe space for others.
I will always and forever work to take care of others. It is my dream. It is my goal. It is my purpose. This is who I am.
TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual assault, mental illness, suicide.
Nearly 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced sexual violence in their lifetime. Most female victims experience their first rape before the age of 25. More than half of female victims report being raped by an intimate partner and 40% by an acquaintance.
My name is Georgia Calloway and I was sexually assaulted. I want you to know my name and my story. I am a real person with a bright future that I almost had ripped away from me. I am more than a statistic.
I was a freshman in college in a brand new town. I didn’t know anyone but I did meet a guy that we’ll call Zack whom I became fairly good friends with. We went to the same college and had been friends for months before it happened. I was excited that I had finally found someone that I enjoyed hanging out with and that I trusted.
Boy, did that get me in trouble.
One night I picked him up so that we could drive down to the riverwalk and just hang out. We were hanging out and having a good time when Zack decided that he was going to try to make an advance on me. I wasn’t sure how to react so I just jerked back. I was startled. I wasn’t expecting it. He kept telling me to “just relax” and that “it was going to be okay”. I told him to stop multiple times. I told him that I wasn’t interested in him like that but he kept persisting.
Zack was much stronger than me and managed to force himself into my pants. I was frozen in fear and I didn’t know what to do. It finally clicked in my head that I needed to get out and get out now. I somehow managed to get him off of me and told him that I needed to leave. I took him home and went back to my dorm.
I was sick. I felt violated. I felt like my self-worth had just been ripped away from me. I felt disgusted and ashamed and alone.
I cried the whole drive back to my dorm. I cried in the shower as I scrubbed the skin off of my body determined to clean myself from his touch. I felt dirty and no amount of scrubbing made me feel better. I cried the entire night.
I didn’t tell anyone.
The next morning he tried texting me to check on me. I didn’t respond. He texted again. Still didn’t respond. He texted and texted and I finally had to block him. He knew I wasn’t interested, he knew I didn’t want it but it didn’t matter; he was going to get what he wanted.
Trying to deal with something like this all on my own was next to impossible. My depression and anxiety had skyrocketed and on top of that, I started suffering from PTSD and paranoia. I didn’t see the point in living anymore. It just didn’t seem worth it if this was going to be my life from now on.
So I attempted suicide.
Luckily I failed. I wished I could say that was the turning point for me and that I decided to take control of my life but that’s not the case. I just decided to push the feelings and the trauma as far away as I could. I went on with my life as if nothing had happened.
Eventually, I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I told one of my closest friends. She was heartbroken that I had to go through something like that and even more that I made myself go through it alone. She was angry at Zack for what he did. I don’t blame her.
As time went on, my mental state got worse to the point where it was inferring with school. I had moved back home at this point because I couldn’t stand to live by myself. I half-ass attempted suicide again but once again failed. After all of this time, I couldn’t find that light at the end of the tunnel.
I was scared to meet new people. I couldn’t date anyone. I didn’t even want to leave my house. I was so scared that someone else was going to come along and try to take what little bit of life I had left in me.
Then, the turning point came.
I don’t know where it came from. I don’t know what caused me to take hold of my life. I was going about my day doing my best just to exist when my mom called. We were talking about school and jobs and the future and I finally just broke down. I didn’t tell her what happened and I still haven’t told her. I begged her to help me find someone to talk to. I begged her to get me help. I couldn’t do it on my own anymore and I just needed help.
A week later I started therapy. I finally found that light at the end of the tunnel. I feel heard. I feel safe. I feel valid. I finally feel like what happened wasn’t my fault. I feel like a million pounds have been lifted off of my shoulders. I feel like I can finally breathe.
I’m not saying that I’m completely healed. I still struggle every single day. My PTSD and paranoia are still there. I’m just now able to kind of start dating again. I am still learning how to cope. Nonetheless, I am getting better. All I can do is take it one day at a time.
How dare you? You tried to break me. You tried to take my happiness away. You tried to take my self-worth away. You tried to take my life away. But here’s the kicker: you DIDN’T. I refuse to let you. I refuse to give you the satisfaction. This is my life and you can’t have it.
I may be that 1 in 3 but I am more than a statistic.
I have written and rewritten this post so many times because I just can’t find the right words to say. I recorded my initial thoughts and feelings on my podcast “Goodnight, Georgia” but I definitely didn’t say everything I wanted to. I don’t have much of a platform but I want to do what I can to show my support towards the black community.
Black lives matter.
There is no reason that a person should fear the people that are supposed to protect them. There is no excuse for the amount of deaths of black Americans at the hands of police. There is NO excuse. There is no excuse for them to be labeled as “thugs” or “criminals” when their white counterparts are labeled as “mentally ill” and “misguided.”
There is no reason that a black person can’t enjoy a day in the park without someone calling the police on them. There is no reason they can’t go into a store without being watched like a hawk by people waiting for them to do something so they can call the police. There is no reason that they can’t leave a traffic stop alive. How is this okay? When did this become okay? How can you not be angry about this?
Black lives matter.
To the people that have a problem with these protests:
Why? Why does it make you so mad for people to demand justice? For people to demand the same rights as everyone else? Why do you have a problem with it?
There have been peaceful protests for YEARS and nothing has changed. Colin Kaepernick kneeled every Sunday during the National Anthem to protest police brutality and you all still had a problem with that. How are these protests worse than when hundreds of white men stormed state buildings HEAVILY ARMED because they wanted to go get haircuts and didn’t want to wear masks? Where is your outrage for that?
Not to mention that these protests started out peaceful and that is what these continually protesters want. Unfortunately, the majority of the vandalism and looting is coming from white opportunists that want to take advantage of this situation and take out their frustrations. You can see in countless videos where protesters are begging these people to stop because they know it is only going to make things worse.
You sit here and whine about the violence but fail to realize that most of this violence is coming from the police. There is no reason for them to be firing rubber bullets, spraying teargas, and beating people with batons for exercising their fucking rights. THIS is what starts the violence and aggression.
Black lives matter.
To the people that are scared of what’s going on:
GOOD. You should be scared. Imagine how the black community feels? They are scared every fucking day whether they are going to get to come home or not. This fear that you feel right now is NOTHING compared to what they feel on a daily basis. I do not feel sorry for you one bit.
Black lives matter.
Open your fucking eyes. This is the start of the revolution. We will do what it takes to get the justice that is long overdue. We will ensure that these changes are made and we won’t stop until that happens.
To the black community:
I see you. I hear you. My heart aches with you. I stand with you.
You are beautiful. You are valid. You are important. You deserve to be able to live without fear. You deserve to be treated better than what you are. You deserve safety. You deserve love. You deserve happiness.
I stand with you. I will fight with you. I will support you. I understand that I will never understand what you are going through. Keep fighting and make your voice heard. There will be justice for you.
I love you.
Black lives fucking matter.
If you want to know how you can help, then you can click the link below: